Ravidamma(Ravi's Mother)....

July 2008, I called my sister in India for arranging our meeting when I visit India during August. Mid way through our conversation, Betty my sister, suddenly said "Chachan, Ravidamma passed away 2 weeks ago. Ravi has called me"! Something in my mind dropped to the floor and shattered to a million pieces. After I hung up, I stretched back to my chair and closed my eyes. Memories came rushing back to me, I could see the chapters of my life story are slowly being turned page by page, only to be consigned to memory and never to be reopened again!!

My mind went back in time to mid 70's when I was a wide eyed, naughty 10 year old boy......

It was one of the balmy summer mornings in 1975, I saw this Tamil lady at the gate with a frail looking dark little boy. Curious enough I ran up to them to check on who they are. It was summer holidays for us boys and we were having our daily morning run around the house. I was more interested in the boy she was with. I asked the lady, "Who do you want to see?"
In her broken Malayalam she said, " I want to meet Akka(elder sister), I am the wife of Annachi(In tamil it means older brother, a common usage for any older male)"....Ohhhhhh...this must be the wife of our barber Annachi and the boy must be his son Ravi, I thought to myself. I forgot to open the gate and kept staring at the boy, Ravi, he smiled back at me. Then suddenly she asked "Are the dogs on leash?", suddenly I came to senses and asked them to come in assuring them that all three of them are on leash. I called out to my mother, who was somewhere at the back of the house instructing the servants about that day's lunch. I could hear my mother talking to them, I ran up to her and told her that there is someone to see her. I followed my mother back to the living room. Ravidamma was, in every sense, a typical Tamil woman with her big bindi on her forehead, a big nose ring and her sari draped her body in a most conservative way you can think of. My mother knew they were coming to meet her so she greeted her in Tamil and they immediately started talking to each other like long lost friends, completely in Tamil. I couldn't understand their conversation, least did I know then it was the start of a life long friendship and commitment which would last even after my mother was gone!!
Suddenly my mother turned to me and said, "Why don't you take Ravi outside and Play?" I was so happy to get a new friend and I asked him to follow me. Ravi seemed to be very shy and soft spoken boy. He was to become my good friend for the next 6 years until we both got to college. There were no one single day without Ravi being at my place for at least an hour, and I used to wait for him. During summer vacations he and his family used to go away to Tirunelveli, their native place, for a month. Those were the most heartbreaking time for me away from my friend. When they arrive back at the beginning of May my summer holidays become live again. Still remember Ravidamma walking in to our house with "Mundirikothu"(a delicacy from tamilnadu).

My mother and Ravidamma become very close friends from that summer day of 75. Ravidamma was not socially equal to us. They had to survive on Ravi's fathers meager income from their barbershop at the main junction. He was from the old school, who couldn't learn or adapt to the changing trends of 70's hairstyles. It was the time of Bruce Lee cut, big side burns, bell bottomed trousers and outrageously long collared shirts. Ravi's father had a loyal customer base but he wasn't doing that well due to the limited income he was getting. Ravidamma started becoming a regular fixture at our home, she would come in around 9.30am and will leave around 6.30pm. When she leaves she would have some rice and the days curry packed up for her husband and children. Sometime there would be coconut and flour etc. given to her. During the day she would be with my mother, not as a servant, but as a confidante and a good companion like a shadow. For the next 25 years until my mother breathed her last she was with my mother like a faithful companion. Even my dad was sometime sick of seeing Ravidamma, probably jealous due to the bond they shared. It was tough to say anything against my mother and win with Ravidamma. Whether good or bad she blindly worshipped my mother and stood by her side in health and sickness.
I left India in 1989, and whenever I was there for holidays I used to see her fragile figure walking through our gate, going past our living room and going straight to my mother who will be in the dining hall probably watching TV or reading. Over the years her face started showing signs of ageing, but her bindi and the nose ring stood out. I got married in 1992 and I become an occasional visitor to our family home, but whenever I am there Ravidamma was there from 9.30am to 6.30pm without fail. By the time both my mother and Ravidamma was well into their 50's and has become grandmother's. But the bond that started in 75 was still unchanged, Ravidamma's world centered around her god, my mother!!

Ravidamma was a very devout wife, in the traditional Tamilian way. We used to try to make her say the name Rajasekaran, Ravi's father's name. No matter how much we tried she would never utter that name, purely out of respect for her husband!! In 1980 I left Kundara for higher studies, Ravi and myself drifted apart, we made new friends, we started going to different colleges and we were never close friends again. Although whenever we meet we used to talk fondly. This was not the case with my mother and Ravidamma. They were still thick friends, and she was a regular at our home that it would be odd to see her not there at our house!

Again in January 1999, I again left, this time with my wife and 2 kids in tow to Australia. That was the last time I saw both my mother and Ravidamma together. My mother was devastated to part with my 2 little girls, and I still vividly remember Ravidamma's face when I said good bye to her. We all were crying. In a year and half's time my mother would succumb to cancer, I never would make it to her death bed or her funeral. It would be another 5 and half years before I made it back to my family home, which was by now locked out, and in ruins. On June 11th, 2004 I drove into, my once, family home with my brother. It was a short trip and I was at Kundara for a few hours. I did inform in advance Ravidamma and others that I am coming in for a quick visit. Getting out from the car and to look at my parent's house was a devastating sight! Both my parents are not there, also my youngest brother....every thing looked haunted. We entered the house through heavy cobwebs and layers of dust. An earthquake the year before has displaced some of the lights and there were broken shards of glass every where. The dining hall where my mother used to spend most of her time watching TV and supervising our servants was intact, the way I left in 5 and half years ago. Then suddenly I heard footsteps outside. I came back to the living room, I see the very same sight I used to see for almost 25 years, Ravidamma walking in to the house!! Her figure has become even more fragile, her face was ravaged by years of struggle and worries, still her Bindi and nose ring were there!! She got into the living room, I stood there with mixed feelings and didn't know what to say. For a moment she smiled, it wasn't her usual smile, it was laden with emotions, bereavement, pain....everything stood still for few moments....I knew what was going through her mind....the stalemate was broken with a loud sob, suddenly Ravidamma said, "Mone(son), Akka was god!", I hugged her not knowing what to say. After a few moments she composed herself and started talking to me about how miserable her life has become, about Ravi's father's illness, about Ravi and his wife. I was running short of time, so I had to cut short her dialogues and was about to leave. I gave her some money and a Sari which I had purchased on my way. In another 15 minutes I was leaving our home and I looked back Ravidamma and our servant Saraswathy were at the gate waving good bye to me....That was the last time ever I saw Ravidamma!! I went back again in 2006 to our family home, but it was a very short visit, and despite my early notice Ravidamma wasn't there. I left her a Sari and some money with my neighbour who was in regular touch with her. He gave me a cell number where I can contact her, not her personal no., but no one ever answered my calls.

In April 2008, I was again passing by Kundara. I have already spoken to my childhood buddy Ravi on his phone couple of times. Ravidamma by this time was suffering from brain tumour and was in her final few months, perhaps weeks to live. I called Ravi from Kottayam and arranged to meet him around 6.00pm after he finishes work. Me and my brother arrived at kundara around 6.45pm and I kept ringing Ravi. He wasn't answering the phone. To my great disappointment no one picked up the phone and I didn't know where she lived, so I decided to leave it for some other time. 2 days later I was to fly out to Melbourne. I never got to see my mother's best friend and companion alive again!!

A life long worth of love and companionship died and has gone to oblivion. My mother is gone for almost 8 years and her companion is gone now....This posting is a tribute to their friendship and loyalty to each other, those who going to read through this blogs will at least know of you two! Rest in Peace Kamalamma, that was Ravidamma's original name, I am sure you have re-united with my mother in heavens, if there is one, and you two will be spending time talking to each other!! A tear drop in the corner of my eye is that all I can give you now.....You will be missed!!